How To Be A Better Lover: 9 Ways To Improve Your Sex Life

How to be a better lover

Do you want to rock your partner’s world in bed? Want to leave them exhausted and craving more? Or maybe you’re looking for tips and tricks to last longer? Look no further, we’ve created a list of 9 ways to improve your sex life so you can learn how to be a better lover. 

What does becoming a better lover mean to you?

Understanding why you want to become a better lover is the best place to start. After all, if you don’t know what the goal is then how can you score (pun intended)? Getting clear on the why behind improving your sex life will carry you through the journey, especially when you feel like giving up and going back to your old boring sex routine. Do you want to be a better lover to boost your own ego, or are you doing this to increase your partner’s sexual pleasure? Neither option is wrong, you just need to know why you’re doing it.

Why You Should Learn How To Be A Better Lover

Sex is a very important part of life; heck, it’s the whole reason for life! Why not make something that’s so important fun?

There are a ton of benefits to improving your sexual relationship, including:

  • Boosting self-confidence for you and your partner
  • Connecting with your partner on a deeper level
  • Lowering your blood pressure
  • Decreased anxiety and depression
  • Better sleep
  • Supercharging your immune system

Many of the following tools and exercises are recommended by certified sex therapists. Try one or try them all. If you find yourself getting frustrated or confused then stop what you’re doing and try something else on this list that feels right to you. Using the snowball method of starting with a quick easy win and building upon that foundation is the surefire way of improving your sex game. Remember, this should be fun and adventurous for both you and your romantic partner.

9 ways to improve your sexual relationship

Here are the 9 best sex therapist-recommended ways to impress your partner in bed, and a few of my own.

  1. Know yourself
  2. Understand what they like
  3. Take a sexual blueprint quiz
  4. Take it slow
  5. Erotic novels/audiobooks
  6. Explore sex toys
  7. Try the Stamena App
  8. Set the mood
  9. Workout together
  10. Bonus! – THC gummies

Now let’s get into the “dirty” details

1. Know yourself

Understand what pleasures you like

Understanding what you like is key to enhancing your sex life. Sex is a two-way street (sometimes a three-way street or more). If you don’t know what turns you on how can you expect your partner to participate fully? Really take time to explore what you’re into. Don’t be ashamed of what you might find, instead embrace it!

Once you’ve gotten to know your sexual desires you need to let your partner know. Imagine feeling your way around a giant pitch-black cave trying to find a specific rock. It would take you forever, and you’d have to continually guess which rock is the right one. This is what your partner is going through if you don’t take the time to communicate your sexual likes and dislikes. Shed some light on the situation and talk about it!

Which brings us to our next point…

2. Understand what your partner likes and dislikes

Are you the one searching through the dark cave hoping that the thin light of your headlamp doesn’t burn out before you find the right pleasure rock? It is crucial to know what your partner’s likes and dislikes are so you don’t end up pressing the wrong button at the wrong time and nuking the whole experience.

Communicate, communicate, communicate! If your partner is unsure of their own desires introduce them to step one. This can be an amazing opportunity for both of you to explore yourselves together. Report back what you find, and get excited about your new sexual discoveries.

Need a little help figuring yourselves out?

3. Take a sexual blueprint quiz

Now that we know that understanding each other on a much deeper level is essential for learning how to be a better lover, you’ll need all the insights you can get about you and your partner’s sexual desires. That’s where taking the sexual blueprint quiz comes in handy.

You wouldn’t build a house without a blueprint, so the same can be said about building your framework for sexual intimacy. The sexual blueprint is a short quiz that reveals your erotic love language. By taking this quiz and reviewing the results together you’ll be able to understand each other’s true passions.

It’s like someone turned on the floodlights in your dark cave… oh hey, there’s that special rock!

But don’t just assume that now you can see all your partner’s sexual buttons it’s as easy as pushing them. You’ll have to learn the right sequence. Just like telling a joke, everything is about timing.

4. Take it slow

So you’ve got your partner’s sexual playbook, now what? Time to get out there and practice! Don’t expect to hit a hole-in-one on your first shot. First, you have to work on your putt and approach, if you will.

Take time to explore what you have just learned from your partner’s sexual blueprint. If you try something and your partner responds in a positive way, keep doing that, right up to the point where they are reaching climax, then back off. This is known as edging. Each time you do this you are increasing the arousal levels for both of you, which, in turn, makes the climax even better.

Even if one of you, or both of you don’t reach climax, that is totally fine. Take what you learned and apply it next time. Keep building on that foundation!

5. Erotic novels/audiobooks

Read erotic novels or listen to erotic audiobooks

Everyone has different things that turn them on. For example, when my wife was reading the 50 Shades Of Grey series, the frequency, and intensity of sexual intimacy went up. Seeing the results, I thought I’d give them a try to see what the hype was all about. Aaaaaand I couldn’t make it through the first 3 chapters without falling asleep. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

If your partner is turned on by erotic stories and likes to visualize sexual fantasies in their mind, there is a myriad of great resources to check out. From going to a local bookstore to something a little less public like audiobooks, there is something for everyone!

Not sure where to start? Try these recommendations:

  • Audiodesires– Offers free and premium accounts
  • Dipsea – Erotica, guided meditations, and sessions from sex and dating experts.
  • Emjoy– On the lighter side of erotica. Offers a 7-day free and paid memberships

6. Explore sex toys

There are more sex toys out there than you can shake a vibrating stick at! In fact, it’s a $12.6 billion dollar industry. With all those people enjoying themselves, why not join in the fun?

The options never end in the sex toy arena. There are vibrators, Bluetooth-connected devices, wearables, bondage gear, etc… Make sure you talk to your partner about using sex toys before you go out and buy something they might be intimidated by. If they’re down with devices, make a date night out of it. Go together to pick out something from a local adult store, or peruse the internet and read reviews about the latest and greatest sex tech.

7. Try the Stamena App

33% of men experience premature ejaculation. If you’re one of the 1 out of 3 and this is something you want to change, listen up.

The Stamena app is here for you. It’s totally free and offers an extremely easy-to-follow exercise daily. The app is discrete so you can do the exercise in public.

The unique thing about Stamena is they not only focus on kegel squeezing exercises but also pushing as well. This is the move you actually need to make to prevent premature ejaculation.

8. Set the mood

Romantic mood

If you’re going to learn how to be a better lover you’re going to need to know how to set the mood. The sexual blueprint quiz above can tell you if your partner is into certain music, smells, feelings, etc… This is also a great topic to discuss when you are learning about each other’s sexual pleasure.

Do whatever you can to remove all distractions. Have someone take the kids overnight, lock the dog in the kennel, and put your phones on silent. The idea is intimacy.

Running low on date ideas? Try getting an adventure challenge for couples book. These books are filled with great ideas, and they even offer a dirtier adventure challenge in bed edition.

9. Workout together

Love the body you’re in, no matter what it looks like. The biggest catalyst to start loving your body is to treat it right. The mental health benefits are what we’re looking for here. I don’t have to share with you the medical studies behind it, because the fact is plain and simple: working out improves your mood. Yes, all moods.

I highly recommend checking out your local YMCA due to its partnership with EGYM. The EGYM system takes all the guesswork out of exercising and tracking your fitness progress. Other options are to get a home gym system or a workout app so you can work on your fitness goals in the privacy of your home. Challenge each other, and make it fun!

10. Bonus! – Take THC gummies to enhance sexual pleasure

THC gummies, especially ones containing CBD can not only heighten your sexual senses but also delay ejaculation. It’s a win-win for everybody!

By far Diet Smoke is my favorite source for ordering THC gummies through the mail. They are affordable and super effective.

Imagine a night in with no kids. You each pop a gummy, throw on your favorite funny movie, and 20 minutes later you’ve got a giggle fest with your sexual partner. Nothing is better for making an emotional connection with your partner than laughing. The next morning you wake up and guess what? No hangover like with alcohol!

Please don’t be dumb, take these responsibly.

Key Considerations For Successfully Becoming A Better Lover

First and foremost make sure you have permission from your partner before you start this journey together. Your partner may not be ready to explore their sexual intimacy. Oftentimes people find sex difficult to think about and discuss. Be patient, take your partner’s feelings into consideration, and let them know you’re there to support them when they finally do decide to enhance their relationship with sex. In the meantime, you can work on your own pleasure journey so you’re ready to help them through it when they’re ready.

If things are still moving slowly with your partner or you never seem to be on the same page sexually, consider seeing a sex therapist. There are plenty of resources available for finding a certified sex therapist in your area. Try any of the following:

Remember to not put pressure on yourself or your partner. The idea is to build a strong emotional connection with your partner’s body and mind. Intimate relationships can take time to develop. Becoming a better lover doesn’t happen overnight.

Taking it to the Next Level: Advanced tips on how to be a better lover

It’s time to talk about porn. Watching porn together can help you better understand what your partner is into and you also might learn a new sexual technique or two! Porn is like amphetamine for enhancing your sexual connection, meaning it can fast-track your partner’s sexual desire or it can become addicting. If you feel like you might have a porn addiction see the first step in my post about breaking bad habits.

Want to really commit to being a better lover? Invest in a sex-positive training course like the one featured in the sexual blueprint section. is a great place to start. Once you delve into this helpful community of sex advocates you’ll manifest more of the same in your life.

How to be a better lover alternatives

Not satisfied with the information above? Maybe it just doesn’t feel right for you to go down this path in life right now. Totally cool. Sex is just not a big deal to some people. You can still have a romantic encounter without sex. Making a mental connection can be just as exciting as a physical connection. There are plenty of ways to feel connected to your lover outside the bedroom.

Going on dates, paying attention to each other, and actively listening to your partner are great ways to enhance your love life without the lovemaking sessions.

Wrapping Up and My Journey to Becoming a Better Lover

Embrace the fact that everyone is at different stages in their relationships with sex. Forcing someone to explore sex at your pace is a recipe for frustration and disappointment. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

I hope you can learn from my experiences with learning how to be a better lover. It hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows for me, but through it all, I’ve learned a lot about being a better partner.

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